I surrender...kind of

to you, Member's Mark formula maker! After a long weekend of recording all sorts of information, the lactation consultant told me I was a low milk producer. My only option was taking a pill that can cause a disorder that may or may not be reversible....as if I don't have enough medical problems. :) She then told me she was sure I did everything I could to make it work but some milk was better than nothing....and good luck. I'm all for breastfeeding and lactation consultants can be very helpful; however, they need to learn how to encourage and be supportive of mothers that really want to nurse but aren't able. There is a lot of guilt and failure a mother feels when her body doesn't do what it's meant to do. They tend to make formula feeding seem like the greatest of all evils. The consultant pretty much brushed me off after deciding that I probably wouldn't breastfeed exclusively.

I decided I would continue to nurse with what I have and always follow with formula. I assume my supply will continue as long as it is being used. I guess it's the best of both worlds??!! I was very happy to put away the pump. It is nice to be able to split the feedings with Paul at night. I actually get several hours of sleep! I can tell that Aaron is gaining his weight back. I'm excited to see what he weighs tomorrow.

This week has gone okay. Last night we got one of the best gifts. My cousin-in-law brought over a complete meal for us. We had pizza burgers (enough for two meals at least), pasta salad, fruit salad, dessert, and zucchini bread for breakfast this a.m. It was so nice to not have to worry about a meals for a while. Alex must be feeling a little attention deprived. At night he asks me to hold him a lot and wants to be carried. I'm not supposed to lift, but I carry him every once in a while. As for the holding, I really enjoy that part. It won't be too long until he won't want Mom. :)

Frustration

We had Aaron's two week doctor appt on Friday. Everything went well except he has not gained weight since we left the hospital. He is still 5 1/2 pounds. I knew he still looked small, but I didn't realize he wasn't growing. I've had to start supplementing him in addition to breastfeeding. I was really disappointed about having to do this because babies can become lazy and prefer the instant gratification of a bottle. The plan is to get a little fat on Aaron and then take away the supplementing and let him just nurse. I'm not too sure that's going to be the outcome. I've been in contact with the lactation specialist. Hopefully she can help me through this. I have a routine that I have to follow, and I've also started drinking raspberry leaf tea to boost my supply! Alex was a mostly a formula baby, and he's a pretty smart little cookie which helps ease my mind.

Tomorrow will be the first big test of my sanity. I will have no help this week! YIKES!!! I wouldn't be too worried if Alex hadn't come down with something. He's been running a temp of 102. This afternoon and evening have been terrible.

As far as Alex's interaction with Aaron....well, so far so good! There are times I can tell Alex feels a little left out....mostly when I'm nursing. He tries to be a very helpful big brother. I hope things continue to go well.

Aaron William

He's here!! Aaron William Frank was born Oct 28 at 11:11 am. We weighed in at 6lbs 1oz and was 18" long. It was so nice be able to see him for little bit before being taken to the nursery which was something I didn't have with Alex. The c-section went much better this time. I let Paul pick his name again. I didn't find out what his name was until I was in my room recovering. I had to ask "So, what's my son's name?" :) Aaron doesn't look much like Alex did. It appears that Aaron has more my face/head shape and maybe more of Paul's facial features. This is somewhat opposite of Alex.

We were only allowed to have immediate family members visit due to all the flu stuff. I knew this before going in and had been bummed. It actually turned out to be a wonderful thing. We got to have very intimate family bonding time which was priceless. Although, I wish Alex could have been there. It was hard not seeing him for 3 days.

We got to come home Saturday. We were late getting released due to my medical stuff, so Saturday was a whirlwind. Alex was asleep when we got home. He's always a bit cranky after waking up, so he wasn't as excited to see me as I was him. He took to Aaron right away. He's always wanting to hold Aaron and give him kisses. He loves pointing out his body parts, but he hasn't quite gotten the be gentle part down. We have to remind him and also that he can't carry Aaron around. Last night he told Aaron to hold his hand and walk with him to bed. It was so cute. We told him those were all things he'd have to teach Aaron as he got bigger.

Paul is home this week and it's flying by. :( I'm able to feed Aaron which is a new experience. Sleep deprivation hasn't set in yet, but last night was crazy. I'm hoping tonight is smoother. I seem to be much more emotional after this pregnancy. I cried most of Sunday and yesterday I cried just once. Paul keeps reassuring me that it's just all my hormones, and the emotions will even out soon. I seem to be missing the anticipation/euphoria of the birth and the days after Aaron was born. Plus, just thinking how quickly they grow up....you just can't get those days back, so I want to soak up every moment so I can remember those feelings 40 years from now! :) Paul tells me that growing up is what they are meant to do, but he understands for the most part. Thankfully he's very supportive and reassuring. We both just started laughing as I started bawling while cooking last night! Poor Alex gets a little confused when I cry. Paul tried explaining that sometimes people cry when they are happy. So, Alex asks me now " Momma cry...Momma happy????"